An Aloha Friday

 

Happy Aloha Friday...

Being a new blog I am going to start linking up to find some like minded blogs and bloggers.

Plus some of these link ups are wonderful in the ideas of what to blog. Although I feel like

I have plenty to say, these link ups defiantly give a good start on how to say it.

As the boys are off to school and I am enjoying a much needed quite cup of coffee...

I am looking around at the buckets of Christmas decorations thinking how closed in it is making

me feel this year. I haven't figured it out yet, but for some reason it all is making me feel closed in.

It could just be the day though... today would have been my parents 49th wedding anniversary.

(They both passed away 4 years ago from cancer)

Of course it could also be the fact that we will not be home for Christmas this year.

Our big gift is to go on a 5 day cruise leaving on the 22nd...

With the boys being 16 &12 I think what I have decided to do is set all the gifts out the night of the

21st and act as if the 22nd is Christmas morning.... Oh yeah, the boys have no clue as to the cruise...

How fun is that!

It has been very hard to keep it a secret and also to not slip up in conversation and spill the beans.

My coffee cup is empty and the buckets are yelling at me so I think I am going to

try and straighten up before going into the office today.

Y'all have a wonderful weekend...

Ali

I Hate Thanksgiving

I have never been one to like Thanksgiving. So hate me!

To me it is a lot of work for a meal. I think my hatred of all holidays goes back to the beginning of my childhood. My parents were the ones that hosted all of the family get togethers. Well I guess you could say they kinda did...

Let me give you a small peek in to make this story a little clearer. Okay... I was 7 years old when my mothers parents passed away. At the same time my fathers mother, was diagnosed with Parkinson disease.  So I had no fuzzy baking cookies with Grandma days. Not in this story.

So as Holidays go, My mom always boo- hoo'ed about the loss of her parents and how unfair life had treated her. Yeah, I got why she felt this way. I just didn't understand it as a child going through it. Everything is easier when you are looking back. Or should I say it is easier as you are raising your children and the picture seems clearer.

Why I was saying that I hate Thanksgiving, and have started to dislike holidays...

 It is a lot of work for food. But then again I was the youngest of the grandchildren so I was always stuck stirring, dicing chopping or plucking.  As my mom wanted everything prepared by herself. Yes...   You were told what time we were gonna eat. You better be there an hour ahead. Eat your share, take your share of the leftovers, in the bottomless cupboard of butter, sour cream and cottage cheese containers.

So there you have it... My reasons for hating Thanksgiving. Maybe if my parents were still alive and the younger generation is now old enough to be doing dishes. I might of learned to enjoy the holiday more. But unfortunately, I can honestly say that I really doubt it. I really feel that I would be standing in that kitchen. Chopping, dicing, slicing and I am almost positive I would be in there cleaning all of the dishes.

So hating a holiday makes me feel guilty. Guilty that I don't want to make a holiday about the past. I want to make it about my children now. But it is so hard to not reflect on the past. It is even harder to not let those reflections cloud the present. Many say it gets easier. At times I don't believe them. As I don't see it becoming easier. Yet, if I don't keep believing,  I will never know the answer. Without believing I will always have the answer, the answer that  I was to weak to look to the future.

Ali

The Beginning of A Thought Deposit

Hello and Welcome...

To get you started, a little background of who I am, and why I have chose to share with you my inner most thoughts....

I am a wife, mother, sister and very reliable friend. After all, I am a cancer. The most loyal of all the zodiac signs.  Family means the most to me and my friends, I treat friends as though they are family. As I have gotten older I have come to this realization,  it is not the quantity of friends that one has so much as it is the quality of the friends you do have.

I have struggled in life from different "jobs" but recently have found my "it" career. I am extremely new at my current company. So with that being said... I am struggling to figure out the people in my office that are "real" and those that are "fake"I have recently become a real estate agent.  It is very rewarding,  "I love making my clients happy" but on the flip side, people can be difficult and coworkers can be down right cruel. As an open, caring person... this can get overwhelming at times but I have really started to find my niche in learning to "check it at the door" or better yet... "its business not personal" have become two of my favorite sayings to help with the stress.
It seems to help.

So that gives you a little insight of who... but now for the why....

Everyday of my life I would talk to my mom. Unfortunately, four years ago I lost her to cancer. Struggling to deal with her loss while still trying to be a mom to my children has become very hard at times. I want to be selfish and not share my children or my husband with anyone, for fear of loosing them. I have built walls around our family for protection. I have found myself alienating distant family and long time friends as a defense mechanism. It is easier to walk away than it is to loose that person. I have been finding that keeping all of my opinions and thoughts to myself are not healthy either. But it can be so hard to trust. Therefore, I am hoping that by jumping into the blog world, I will find other like minded people that share in the same life experiences as me. Someone that is looking for all the positives in life and not focusing on the negative. I want to experience the happiness and take the negative out of my thoughts and lock them away.... Thus my blog name. A Thought Deposit.

Ali